I am up quite unexpectantly this morning, and as I have been sitting here at the computer, this song keeps going through my head. In all the changes the Lord is walking me through, this song helps me in this moment to have the proper perspective. I hope you enjoy the song as much as I do....
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Just a ramble...
So today while watching the news, I was stunned to watch a piece about a young man (middle school age I think) that had gotten into some kind of trouble at school and his parents made him stand at a busy intersection for two hours with a sign stating how he didn't know how to behave in school and that if he kept it up, when he was older he would have to work hard at a low paying job.
OK. First of all, when is it EVER right to humiliate your child in any way shape or form in public like that? Don't get me wrong, I am all up for punishment (spare the rod, spoil the child), but to shame them in that fashion I cannot agree with. Secondly, this story is being shown all across the country - I saw it on CNN and on a local news station within 10 minutes of each other. This young man was crying on national tv. All I could do was cry for him and the humiliation he faced then, and for the humiliation that would surely be coming from his peers.
The Bible talks about disciplining our children with love. This, I feel, is something that I failed miserably at with my own son. However, I never humiliated him in front of others for the sake of a lesson learned.
This makes me quite sad today.
OK. First of all, when is it EVER right to humiliate your child in any way shape or form in public like that? Don't get me wrong, I am all up for punishment (spare the rod, spoil the child), but to shame them in that fashion I cannot agree with. Secondly, this story is being shown all across the country - I saw it on CNN and on a local news station within 10 minutes of each other. This young man was crying on national tv. All I could do was cry for him and the humiliation he faced then, and for the humiliation that would surely be coming from his peers.
The Bible talks about disciplining our children with love. This, I feel, is something that I failed miserably at with my own son. However, I never humiliated him in front of others for the sake of a lesson learned.
This makes me quite sad today.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Instead of.....
Today, I choose....
God's acceptance over man's rejection
God's sovereign peace over present circumstances
Obedience over pain
God's truth over satan's lies
I choose to be the woman of God that I am called to be. No one will hold me back from this. I do not stand alone. My Lord is with me where ever I go!
God's acceptance over man's rejection
God's sovereign peace over present circumstances
Obedience over pain
God's truth over satan's lies
I choose to be the woman of God that I am called to be. No one will hold me back from this. I do not stand alone. My Lord is with me where ever I go!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
A confirmation of sorts....
Today, as I was driving home from the Library, a sign on a church caught my eye. It said very simply, "Tears...a language God understands."
A confirmation of sorts to my previous post. I am thankful today, that He understands.
A confirmation of sorts to my previous post. I am thankful today, that He understands.
Monday, August 30, 2010
A little bit of ugly....
Yesterday, while riding with a friend to a meeting, I confessed something that I have never shared with anyone. In fact, I was shocked at what was coming from my mouth, like it was the very first time that I had heard it myself..as I was saying it!
Right now, I am going to thank God for that friend because she didn't gasp, or rebuke me, or even crash her car out of sheer shock and disappointment. Nope, she grinned and said that she understood, and that God did too. That it was gonna work out. Huh?!?!?
A little background on circumstances surrounding said confession: I have been made aware of an issue in my life that is not pleasing to the Lord.
****A SHORT DISCLAIMER**** I know a lot of my friends read this blog, so I will be as transparent as I can be. I am sorry in advance if this hurts anyone, that is not my intention. What the Lord revealed to me is MY ISSUE, not of those involved.
OK, here it goes. For the past six months or so, I have been a part of a ministry and was welcomed with wide open arms, loved and promoted. I was happy every moment, like I was fulfilled in those relationships. I was a part of the "group." Again, nothing that was done from these dear saints was wrong. I felt accepted. Wanted. Validated. Are you getting the picture here? I felt on top of the world because PEOPLE wanted me to be around. They wanted me to be a part of their "group." I fed off this. One thing that I have learned from the past is that God is a jealous God, and He will not tolerate idolatry in ANY form for very long. So, the Lord allowed some circumstances in my life to shake those idols in my life. All of a sudden I felt excluded, not a part of the group. All of a sudden, I felt like the outsider. And it hurt!!! My, did I get offended. Fortunately, the Lord has taught me to examine myself and my motives before laying out those whom have supposedly wounded me. It is usually something in me that needs to change, not those whom have hurt me.
I have been accused of being destructive to the ministry and had to face that accuser in a very painful and humbling meeting, and I seem to be failing at everything that I have been doing. I have felt that I have disappointed those in leadership. And now am excluded from the very ones who brought me validation. The underlying issue is not those around me. It is that I FED off their acceptance. It fed that little ugly place in me that craves approval from man. This place has to die before I can do anything. Those involved probably have no idea how the Lord is using them to refine me. I hope that is the case. I desperately don't want anyone to be affected negatively by my "junk." Everything in me screams "run!" Start over someplace else. But I know that isn't going to happen. I have never run, thankfully the Lord won't allow it.
So what was my confession to my friend? My confession was that I have been avoiding God. That we are at present having SERIOUS intimacy issues. By we, of course I mean me. He is there, waiting. I can feel His breath on the back of my neck, on my cheek. Waiting patiently for me to turn this all over to Him. So HE can heal my heart and the places that crave that human validation. He has his finger on this part of my heart. And once He touches it, it is never the same.
Even as I type this, weeping, the Lord is showing me that my tears are a surrender of sorts, that He is catching every tear. I know deep in my heart that He loves me, and that I need Him desperately right now. He has granted me the favor of His Face. Of His very presence.
I am so thankful that He knows me; knows the very depths of my heart and loves me still. I am gonna be OK. This is all gonna work out. And I will never be the same.
Please pray.
I love you all.
Right now, I am going to thank God for that friend because she didn't gasp, or rebuke me, or even crash her car out of sheer shock and disappointment. Nope, she grinned and said that she understood, and that God did too. That it was gonna work out. Huh?!?!?
A little background on circumstances surrounding said confession: I have been made aware of an issue in my life that is not pleasing to the Lord.
****A SHORT DISCLAIMER**** I know a lot of my friends read this blog, so I will be as transparent as I can be. I am sorry in advance if this hurts anyone, that is not my intention. What the Lord revealed to me is MY ISSUE, not of those involved.
OK, here it goes. For the past six months or so, I have been a part of a ministry and was welcomed with wide open arms, loved and promoted. I was happy every moment, like I was fulfilled in those relationships. I was a part of the "group." Again, nothing that was done from these dear saints was wrong. I felt accepted. Wanted. Validated. Are you getting the picture here? I felt on top of the world because PEOPLE wanted me to be around. They wanted me to be a part of their "group." I fed off this. One thing that I have learned from the past is that God is a jealous God, and He will not tolerate idolatry in ANY form for very long. So, the Lord allowed some circumstances in my life to shake those idols in my life. All of a sudden I felt excluded, not a part of the group. All of a sudden, I felt like the outsider. And it hurt!!! My, did I get offended. Fortunately, the Lord has taught me to examine myself and my motives before laying out those whom have supposedly wounded me. It is usually something in me that needs to change, not those whom have hurt me.
I have been accused of being destructive to the ministry and had to face that accuser in a very painful and humbling meeting, and I seem to be failing at everything that I have been doing. I have felt that I have disappointed those in leadership. And now am excluded from the very ones who brought me validation. The underlying issue is not those around me. It is that I FED off their acceptance. It fed that little ugly place in me that craves approval from man. This place has to die before I can do anything. Those involved probably have no idea how the Lord is using them to refine me. I hope that is the case. I desperately don't want anyone to be affected negatively by my "junk." Everything in me screams "run!" Start over someplace else. But I know that isn't going to happen. I have never run, thankfully the Lord won't allow it.
So what was my confession to my friend? My confession was that I have been avoiding God. That we are at present having SERIOUS intimacy issues. By we, of course I mean me. He is there, waiting. I can feel His breath on the back of my neck, on my cheek. Waiting patiently for me to turn this all over to Him. So HE can heal my heart and the places that crave that human validation. He has his finger on this part of my heart. And once He touches it, it is never the same.
Even as I type this, weeping, the Lord is showing me that my tears are a surrender of sorts, that He is catching every tear. I know deep in my heart that He loves me, and that I need Him desperately right now. He has granted me the favor of His Face. Of His very presence.
I am so thankful that He knows me; knows the very depths of my heart and loves me still. I am gonna be OK. This is all gonna work out. And I will never be the same.
Please pray.
I love you all.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
He's making something so beautiful....
Don’t know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart, breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace…
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so beautiful, beautiful
Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it’s pouring down, I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face…
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so beautiful, beautiful
I have come undone
But I have just begun
Changing by Your grace
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so beautiful, beautiful
....Beautiful, beautiful by Francesca Battistelli
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart, breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace…
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so beautiful, beautiful
Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it’s pouring down, I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face…
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so beautiful, beautiful
I have come undone
But I have just begun
Changing by Your grace
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so beautiful, beautiful
....Beautiful, beautiful by Francesca Battistelli
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Just an update.....
Today I have been cleaning my bedroom, and going through some boxes that I have had since I moved in. Oy, the dust!!! As I have been filling trash bags of junk, I have been thinking about what has transpired in mine and Steve's lives since we moved to Florida.
I found a bag of Steve's congratulatory graduation cards and I remember fondly his graduation party in Ohio and all the fun we had with old friends and family. Oddly enough, coming back was full of the realization that Grove City wasn't our home anymore. That was somewhat painful to realize, that the place where we both grew up and lived for most of our lives wasn't home any longer.
It has been a little over a year since that trip and both Steve and I have changed so much. Steve is in college now, a sophomore at Lee University. The change in him has been amazing. He isn't my little boy anymore, but a man finding his way and preparing for the future God has for him. He began as a freshman studying Missions, and this summer, while driving home from an evening with friends, heard very clearly the call to become a pastor. My totally freaked out son came straight to my bedroom, where I was sleeping, to ask me to pray as he submitted his will to the Lord.
Since that prayer, God has graciously confirmed His call on Steve, from opportunities to minister as a part of a worship band all over Tampa, to ministering to a tow-truck driver and speaking truth into his life, to getting a call from his old Resident Director asking him if he was interested in a Resident Chaplain position for one of the Dorms at Lee. A position that he did get hired for. He also continues to lead worship at various events at the University. He is being stretched and prepared. And this mother is grateful.
Over the past two years, I have been stretched to let go of small, ineffective thinking and actions that keep God in a nice tidy box. I have been challenged to look at and view people differently, and to pray differently. My heart has been turned inside out, and I will never be the same. The four walls of the church building are no longer my home; but the world outside with all the hurting people and the ones who need truth. Please do not misunderstand, I have not forsaken the assembly of believer's, learning about the word from my pastor, and actively serving where the Lord has planted me. But the church is not my focus, but the people who are created in the very image and likeness of the Lord. I am actively asking to be transformed so that Heaven invades everywhere the Lord takes me, through me.
So I am out of the box, where it can be terrifying, and where I can get wounded. But there is no greater place of freedom to be. So I am trusting that my Lord will work out all things and provide all that I need. He has never let me down.
I am transitioning from raising my son to walking in what the Lord has called me as an individual to walk in. I am still unemployed, but have an interview tomorrow. I also am in school full-time. I am still dreaming of being a published author, and I know my English degree will definitely improve my writing skills. I have kicked around the idea of becoming a teacher, somewhere in the world. So we will see.
That is all for now. Not sure who really reads this anymore, so feel free to leave a comment or two. It would be great to hear from you :)
I found a bag of Steve's congratulatory graduation cards and I remember fondly his graduation party in Ohio and all the fun we had with old friends and family. Oddly enough, coming back was full of the realization that Grove City wasn't our home anymore. That was somewhat painful to realize, that the place where we both grew up and lived for most of our lives wasn't home any longer.
It has been a little over a year since that trip and both Steve and I have changed so much. Steve is in college now, a sophomore at Lee University. The change in him has been amazing. He isn't my little boy anymore, but a man finding his way and preparing for the future God has for him. He began as a freshman studying Missions, and this summer, while driving home from an evening with friends, heard very clearly the call to become a pastor. My totally freaked out son came straight to my bedroom, where I was sleeping, to ask me to pray as he submitted his will to the Lord.
Since that prayer, God has graciously confirmed His call on Steve, from opportunities to minister as a part of a worship band all over Tampa, to ministering to a tow-truck driver and speaking truth into his life, to getting a call from his old Resident Director asking him if he was interested in a Resident Chaplain position for one of the Dorms at Lee. A position that he did get hired for. He also continues to lead worship at various events at the University. He is being stretched and prepared. And this mother is grateful.
Over the past two years, I have been stretched to let go of small, ineffective thinking and actions that keep God in a nice tidy box. I have been challenged to look at and view people differently, and to pray differently. My heart has been turned inside out, and I will never be the same. The four walls of the church building are no longer my home; but the world outside with all the hurting people and the ones who need truth. Please do not misunderstand, I have not forsaken the assembly of believer's, learning about the word from my pastor, and actively serving where the Lord has planted me. But the church is not my focus, but the people who are created in the very image and likeness of the Lord. I am actively asking to be transformed so that Heaven invades everywhere the Lord takes me, through me.
So I am out of the box, where it can be terrifying, and where I can get wounded. But there is no greater place of freedom to be. So I am trusting that my Lord will work out all things and provide all that I need. He has never let me down.
I am transitioning from raising my son to walking in what the Lord has called me as an individual to walk in. I am still unemployed, but have an interview tomorrow. I also am in school full-time. I am still dreaming of being a published author, and I know my English degree will definitely improve my writing skills. I have kicked around the idea of becoming a teacher, somewhere in the world. So we will see.
That is all for now. Not sure who really reads this anymore, so feel free to leave a comment or two. It would be great to hear from you :)
Monday, August 16, 2010
The Gate of the Year
Minnie Louise Haskins, 1908
I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year,
"Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown."
And he replied, "Go into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God.
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way!"
So I went forth and finding the Hand of God
Trod gladly into the night.
He led me towards the hills
And the breaking of day in the lone east.
So heart be still!
What need our human life to know
If God hath comprehension?
In all the dizzy strife of things
Both high and low,
God hideth his intention.
Minnie Louise Haskins, 1908
I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year,
"Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown."
And he replied, "Go into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God.
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way!"
So I went forth and finding the Hand of God
Trod gladly into the night.
He led me towards the hills
And the breaking of day in the lone east.
So heart be still!
What need our human life to know
If God hath comprehension?
In all the dizzy strife of things
Both high and low,
God hideth his intention.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Dreams.....
This morning I woke up with a song on my heart. Well, actually, what happened was it came to me in a dream:
I was with a group of people - some friends, some family members. And in this dream it was very evident that I had been excluded from something. So I wandered around the situation, quite hurt and rejected.
My son came in, and with him some friends. They began to pray, not for me...just a gathering to pray and worship the Lord. In my brokeness, I laid down on the floor on my face and cried out to God because what I was carrying was too heavy a burden for me, and I needed Him.
As I felt the presence of the Lord, someone laid their hands on the bottoms of my feet and began to pray for me. As they did this, the song, "Lead me to the Cross" came to mind. Then I woke up.
What I feel like the Lord is showing me through this (and I am leaving this to the Lord to bring further revelation still), is that I am not rejected. Man (friends, loved ones, etc.) will reject me, some intentionally, some not; it's gonna happen. BUT through the Cross...the one where Jesus gave up His life, for me and you, I am completely accepted, loved and redeemed. It was a completed work what He did on that Cross.
Interestingly, as I type this, the Lord showed me that in my dream, as I "wandered around the situation," this was when I mull it over and over in my mind, trying to figure out why this person or that person did what they did or said what they did. As I do that, I am open wide for those hurt feelings and rejection to turn into anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, malice, etc., etc.....all those feelings that are in direct opposition to how God calls us walk and hinders us from loving with His heart. Wow.
I am thankful the Lord rules and reigns over my dreams. That even when I get too busy to stop and listen, in His mercy He instructs and rebukes me in my dreams. He really loves me. So today, I remove from my mind the tape of rejections call, and instead go to the Cross, where I lay myself down, rid me of myself, knowing that I belong to Him.
Lead me to the Cross (Hillsong United)
Savior I come
Quiet my soul
Remember
Redemptions hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross
You were as I
Tempted and tried
You are
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen
To your heart
To your heart
Lead me to your heart
Lead me to your heart
I was with a group of people - some friends, some family members. And in this dream it was very evident that I had been excluded from something. So I wandered around the situation, quite hurt and rejected.
My son came in, and with him some friends. They began to pray, not for me...just a gathering to pray and worship the Lord. In my brokeness, I laid down on the floor on my face and cried out to God because what I was carrying was too heavy a burden for me, and I needed Him.
As I felt the presence of the Lord, someone laid their hands on the bottoms of my feet and began to pray for me. As they did this, the song, "Lead me to the Cross" came to mind. Then I woke up.
What I feel like the Lord is showing me through this (and I am leaving this to the Lord to bring further revelation still), is that I am not rejected. Man (friends, loved ones, etc.) will reject me, some intentionally, some not; it's gonna happen. BUT through the Cross...the one where Jesus gave up His life, for me and you, I am completely accepted, loved and redeemed. It was a completed work what He did on that Cross.
Interestingly, as I type this, the Lord showed me that in my dream, as I "wandered around the situation," this was when I mull it over and over in my mind, trying to figure out why this person or that person did what they did or said what they did. As I do that, I am open wide for those hurt feelings and rejection to turn into anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, malice, etc., etc.....all those feelings that are in direct opposition to how God calls us walk and hinders us from loving with His heart. Wow.
I am thankful the Lord rules and reigns over my dreams. That even when I get too busy to stop and listen, in His mercy He instructs and rebukes me in my dreams. He really loves me. So today, I remove from my mind the tape of rejections call, and instead go to the Cross, where I lay myself down, rid me of myself, knowing that I belong to Him.
Lead me to the Cross (Hillsong United)
Savior I come
Quiet my soul
Remember
Redemptions hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross
You were as I
Tempted and tried
You are
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen
To your heart
To your heart
Lead me to your heart
Lead me to your heart
Monday, May 3, 2010
Sigh.....
Am wrestling with something today. What comes to mind is that I am too busy to wrestle with this today. BUT. I can't put it off. If I do, my flesh will rise up and make something of this situation that it's not.
I know what I am wrestling with. I want to be angry. I want to defend myself. I want to be upset and tell everyone of the injustice of it all. I want people to side with me, because if they side with me, that means they love me and accept me, right? I want to rise to the top of this a victor. All because I am RIGHT. Right?
There. Said it all. Ugly stuff. My flesh is screaming right about now. Because what is in me is stronger than the ugly flesh that is crying out. My spirit reminds me of Jesus. He was murdered. He was spat upon, beaten within an inch of His life and had His flesh torn off Him because of a bunch of offended people. But He didn't defend Himself. He didn't enlist in the help of the Heavenly Host. He took it because it was the Will of His Father. He did it for me. And you.
Truth is, it doesn't even matter what happened. What matters is my response to what happened. Another truth; I do not have to be validated by being right. I am validated by Christ crucified. No matter if I am right, do my actions point people to Jesus? Do others feel loved and accepted by my actions or do they feel judged and somehow inadequate? Oh, I know there will be those beloved people who will be offended with me just because I breath, but how am I showing them the love of Jesus, the Hope that resides within me? What is my response going to be to them?
My beautiful Lord reminded me of this scripture as I cried out to Him:
Romans 12:3, and 9-21
3 For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.
9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; 13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. 16 Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.
17 Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. 18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. 19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,”[a] says the Lord. 20 Therefore if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”[b] 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
My bible says that when we avenge ourselves, we are trying to take God's place. I know that there is no room for me on the Throne of the Lord. My prayer today is that I will live this scripture. Lord knows I will need His help in this. But I am assured that He will indeed help me. He loves me too much not to. More of You, Lord and less of me.
I know what I am wrestling with. I want to be angry. I want to defend myself. I want to be upset and tell everyone of the injustice of it all. I want people to side with me, because if they side with me, that means they love me and accept me, right? I want to rise to the top of this a victor. All because I am RIGHT. Right?
There. Said it all. Ugly stuff. My flesh is screaming right about now. Because what is in me is stronger than the ugly flesh that is crying out. My spirit reminds me of Jesus. He was murdered. He was spat upon, beaten within an inch of His life and had His flesh torn off Him because of a bunch of offended people. But He didn't defend Himself. He didn't enlist in the help of the Heavenly Host. He took it because it was the Will of His Father. He did it for me. And you.
Truth is, it doesn't even matter what happened. What matters is my response to what happened. Another truth; I do not have to be validated by being right. I am validated by Christ crucified. No matter if I am right, do my actions point people to Jesus? Do others feel loved and accepted by my actions or do they feel judged and somehow inadequate? Oh, I know there will be those beloved people who will be offended with me just because I breath, but how am I showing them the love of Jesus, the Hope that resides within me? What is my response going to be to them?
My beautiful Lord reminded me of this scripture as I cried out to Him:
Romans 12:3, and 9-21
3 For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.
9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; 13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. 16 Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.
17 Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. 18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. 19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,”[a] says the Lord. 20 Therefore if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”[b] 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
My bible says that when we avenge ourselves, we are trying to take God's place. I know that there is no room for me on the Throne of the Lord. My prayer today is that I will live this scripture. Lord knows I will need His help in this. But I am assured that He will indeed help me. He loves me too much not to. More of You, Lord and less of me.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Divine Networking....
Most of you know, I am presently unemployed. Again. Some reading this may be thinking that this will be a post of my lamenting my present state of joblessness. Too bad you cannot see the wide grin that is on my face as I type this.
Why am I so happy? I am happy because my LORD is in absolute control of my life. He holds my times and my seasons, my very breath in His hands! And because of this current season, I am able to do things that I wouldn't if I was employed full time. Don't get me wrong, been looking for another job, but all the pressure is OFF because my Lord is in control.
Every day I meet people who confirm in me what the Lord is doing in this season. I am meeting artists, writers, and co-laborers in Christ. God is the ultimate networker! His favor is evident all over this season. I am humbled and so very blessed by this. I am truly enjoying the people He places in my path daily.
Even with the transition from a church plant back to the main campus, the Lord has connected me supernaturally to a wonderful group of people who accept me completely. I am walking the scripture that states that my gifting will make room for me(Prov 18:16). The Lord is doing it. He is placing me here and having me serve there. There is no better place to be.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
It's a new day.....
Today....I am thankful.
I am thankful for:
My salvation...it is everything...really. Because of what Jesus did for me on that cross....I can come boldly before my Father's throne and lay prostrate at His feet.
My son, Steve, who LOVES the Lord and is sensitive to the Holy Spirit. And that he, at age 20, still calls his momma to ask for prayer. What an honor and privilege that he still asks me to pray for and with him. My heart is humbled by this.
That the Lord gives and takes away....and gives me peace in the midst of changes. He is in control, always.
For technology....that I can still stay in touch with all the wonderful girls that the Lord allowed me to minister to during my tenure at Shift Youth Ministries. I still love each and every one of those girls! Even after 4+ years. They taught me so much.
For a mother who I can call one of my best friends, and a true sister in the Lord. It is because of her prayers that I am walking with the Lord today. Never underestimate the power of a praying Momma!
For the Favor of my Lord's face! He LOVES me! Oh, how He loves me! He closes and opens opportunities to me and sets me on His course!
For new friends....everywhere the Lord takes me, He blesses me with wonderful friends to pour into, and for them to pour into me! Am so so thankful for healthy, REAL relationships!
For those old, dear ones...the ones who have been with me from the beginning, and somewhere in between. The ones who faught side by side with me in the trenches...The ones who saw the good, bad, and the downright ugly parts of me...and LOVED me anyway. And continue to do so. The ones who hear the Lord's call to intercede on my behalf - I never would have survived without it.
I am thankful today for the Lord's mercy. His unfailing, unending mercy.
Continue to mold me into Your image, Lord. I am Yours, and You are mine...forever!
I am thankful for:
My salvation...it is everything...really. Because of what Jesus did for me on that cross....I can come boldly before my Father's throne and lay prostrate at His feet.
My son, Steve, who LOVES the Lord and is sensitive to the Holy Spirit. And that he, at age 20, still calls his momma to ask for prayer. What an honor and privilege that he still asks me to pray for and with him. My heart is humbled by this.
That the Lord gives and takes away....and gives me peace in the midst of changes. He is in control, always.
For technology....that I can still stay in touch with all the wonderful girls that the Lord allowed me to minister to during my tenure at Shift Youth Ministries. I still love each and every one of those girls! Even after 4+ years. They taught me so much.
For a mother who I can call one of my best friends, and a true sister in the Lord. It is because of her prayers that I am walking with the Lord today. Never underestimate the power of a praying Momma!
For the Favor of my Lord's face! He LOVES me! Oh, how He loves me! He closes and opens opportunities to me and sets me on His course!
For new friends....everywhere the Lord takes me, He blesses me with wonderful friends to pour into, and for them to pour into me! Am so so thankful for healthy, REAL relationships!
For those old, dear ones...the ones who have been with me from the beginning, and somewhere in between. The ones who faught side by side with me in the trenches...The ones who saw the good, bad, and the downright ugly parts of me...and LOVED me anyway. And continue to do so. The ones who hear the Lord's call to intercede on my behalf - I never would have survived without it.
I am thankful today for the Lord's mercy. His unfailing, unending mercy.
Continue to mold me into Your image, Lord. I am Yours, and You are mine...forever!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Everything.......
Have a heavy heart tonight. They announced that our church plant is folding. While I have had some time to process this, it is still heartbreaking. I have been thinking about all the people I have ministered to and all the people whose lives have been transformed and a sadness grips my heart for those that have yet to be reached.
So while I continue to process this, I turn to the One who knows me best, the One who understands and is there, always. This song ministers to me tonight, as I pray for the body that is broken right now. May the Lords peace rest on us all.
Everything (by Jesus Culture)
Find me here, Speak to me
I want to feel you I need to hear you
You are the light That is leading me
To the place Where I find peace again
You are the strength That keeps me walking
You are the hope That keeps me trusting
You are the life To my soul
You are my purpose You are everything
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
[Cause] You're all I want, You're all I need
Everything, everything
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
Friday, March 12, 2010
Been thinkin......
After somewhat disturbing news, I have been thinking a lot about how we make decisions. About how I make decisions. As I know we all could testify, I think back to some ill thought-out decisions I have made and to the resulting consequences. Props to whoever coined the saying, "hindsight is 20/20."
I would be remiss if I shoved off this feeling of dread; of disappointment. While I can respect the decision that was made, I know that there will be consequences in the future, whether we see them in this lifetime or not. I think about Moses; how in a brief moment of anger, his lapse in obedience cost him the very thing that was his life's calling - to take the children of Israel into the promised land. Because of that momentary lapse in judgement, he died, never having entered into the land of promise.
How many things to we miss out on because of decisions based on fear? How many times does our Lord weep and sigh over our holding back because to walk forward into the unknown isn't comfortable, or doesn't make sense to the eyes of this world?
While tremendous sadness grips my heart today, I am not angry at the decision makers. I am sad that what the Lord wanted to do in this situation was circumvented by fear. The Lord is rich in mercy and is still seated on His throne. He will bring around new opportunities that were lost in this one decision. It won't be the best way, the way He originally planned for....but it will be an opportunity nonetheless; for growth, for maturity, for faith.
What a different place this world would be if we would be obedient to the Word of God, and to His direction. He ALWAYS knows best.....
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
A day with giraffes.....
When Steve was home over the holidays, we got to go on a safari of sorts and spent a little time with some giraffes. This was a wonderful experience, although we did get slobbered on!
Enjoy the pictures!
Enjoy the pictures!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
A question for all of you in Blog-land......
To those of you who know me personally: What should I name my freelance writing business?
I am somewhat stumped, so thought I would throw it out there! Let me know your thoughts :)
Even if you don't know me personally, give it a shot......
Thanks in advance.
I am somewhat stumped, so thought I would throw it out there! Let me know your thoughts :)
Even if you don't know me personally, give it a shot......
Thanks in advance.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Choosing not to be impatient....
OK, based on popular demand (Angie), I am updating this rag. First, this is what has been going on:
I am still in Florida, going and doing as the Lord leads. I am currently unemployed (again). I am a part of a church plant, leading a small team of dedicated intercessors. The Lord is moving and shaking all that can be moved and shaken. I am also working on setting up my freelance writing business.
My son is in college and I am so proud to say, growing deeper and stronger in the Lord everyday. He is being mentored by some amazing, godly men. He has found a terrific, Spirit-filled church and is on their worship team both playing guitar and singing. He sings prophetically (something I KNEW was going to be made manifest in his life), and even his prayer language is of a melodic nature! He has recently been invited to lead worship for a men's conference in Tennessee. This is so exciting, not only to him, but to me as I know one his greatest fears was to miss what the Lord was calling him to do...you know, we have all been there! But, the Lord is proving Himself to my son. Thankfully, there are wonderfully strong, christian men pouring into his life, speaking sound biblical truth over and into him! When we follow the Lord in absolute obedience, there is no way we can miss His will for us! We fall right into it. He is in a dorm full of guys who love the Lord and they all regularly pray and fast. What an environment for growth. That is what is happening with Steve. Did I say I was proud of him??
The other day, as I was driving home from a meeting, I was thinking about my ambitions. You know, those things that you are wanting or even hoping to accomplish in the season you are in. Well, as excited as I have been about being down here doing what God has called me to do, the Lord showed me that I had gotten impatient. This impatience has led to tremendous discouragement. I am ashamed to admit that I had been very close to hanging up the towel and moving on. I had my eyes on the physical realm, where seemingly, nothing was happening. The incredible things that the Lord has had me declare and pray over for over 18 months had yet to be made manifest in the natural.
So after a painful and awesome time of repentance, the Lord removed the discouragement and gave me a heart that is dedicated to pleasing Him, and not my selfish ambitions. All the dreams of grandeur are gone, and I am determined to finish well the job the Lord has sent me here to do. I will not fall prey to becoming critical (even in my thoughts) of leadership already in place, but will faithful serve the Lord no matter the capacity. My promotion comes from the Lord and no man. This scripture says it beautifully:
Psalm 84 (The Message)
A Korah Psalm
1-2 What a beautiful home, God-of-the-Angel-Armies! I've always longed to live in a place like this,
Always dreamed of a room in your house,
where I could sing for joy to God-alive!
3-4 Birds find nooks and crannies in your house,
sparrows and swallows make nests there.
They lay their eggs and raise their young,
singing their songs in the place where we worship.
God-of-the-Angel-Armies! King! God!
How blessed they are to live and sing there!
5-7 And how blessed all those in whom you live,
whose lives become roads you travel;
They wind through lonesome valleys, come upon brooks,
discover cool springs and pools brimming with rain!
God-traveled, these roads curve up the mountain, and
at the last turn—Zion! God in full view!
8-9 God-of-the-Angel-Armies, listen:
O God of Jacob, open your ears—I'm praying!
Look at our shields, glistening in the sun,
our faces, shining with your gracious anointing.
10-12 One day spent in your house, this beautiful place of worship,
beats thousands spent on Greek island beaches.
I'd rather scrub floors in the house of my God
than be honored as a guest in the palace of sin.
All sunshine and sovereign is God,
generous in gifts and glory.
He doesn't scrimp with his traveling companions.
It's smooth sailing all the way with God-of-the-Angel-Armies
Verse 12 says, "I'd rather scrub floors in the house of my God than be an honored guest in the palace of sin." This does it for me. No more selfish ambition. Those doors are closed to me. My ambition is in the Lord, and Jesus crucified.
I am still in Florida, going and doing as the Lord leads. I am currently unemployed (again). I am a part of a church plant, leading a small team of dedicated intercessors. The Lord is moving and shaking all that can be moved and shaken. I am also working on setting up my freelance writing business.
My son is in college and I am so proud to say, growing deeper and stronger in the Lord everyday. He is being mentored by some amazing, godly men. He has found a terrific, Spirit-filled church and is on their worship team both playing guitar and singing. He sings prophetically (something I KNEW was going to be made manifest in his life), and even his prayer language is of a melodic nature! He has recently been invited to lead worship for a men's conference in Tennessee. This is so exciting, not only to him, but to me as I know one his greatest fears was to miss what the Lord was calling him to do...you know, we have all been there! But, the Lord is proving Himself to my son. Thankfully, there are wonderfully strong, christian men pouring into his life, speaking sound biblical truth over and into him! When we follow the Lord in absolute obedience, there is no way we can miss His will for us! We fall right into it. He is in a dorm full of guys who love the Lord and they all regularly pray and fast. What an environment for growth. That is what is happening with Steve. Did I say I was proud of him??
The other day, as I was driving home from a meeting, I was thinking about my ambitions. You know, those things that you are wanting or even hoping to accomplish in the season you are in. Well, as excited as I have been about being down here doing what God has called me to do, the Lord showed me that I had gotten impatient. This impatience has led to tremendous discouragement. I am ashamed to admit that I had been very close to hanging up the towel and moving on. I had my eyes on the physical realm, where seemingly, nothing was happening. The incredible things that the Lord has had me declare and pray over for over 18 months had yet to be made manifest in the natural.
So after a painful and awesome time of repentance, the Lord removed the discouragement and gave me a heart that is dedicated to pleasing Him, and not my selfish ambitions. All the dreams of grandeur are gone, and I am determined to finish well the job the Lord has sent me here to do. I will not fall prey to becoming critical (even in my thoughts) of leadership already in place, but will faithful serve the Lord no matter the capacity. My promotion comes from the Lord and no man. This scripture says it beautifully:
Psalm 84 (The Message)
A Korah Psalm
1-2 What a beautiful home, God-of-the-Angel-Armies! I've always longed to live in a place like this,
Always dreamed of a room in your house,
where I could sing for joy to God-alive!
3-4 Birds find nooks and crannies in your house,
sparrows and swallows make nests there.
They lay their eggs and raise their young,
singing their songs in the place where we worship.
God-of-the-Angel-Armies! King! God!
How blessed they are to live and sing there!
5-7 And how blessed all those in whom you live,
whose lives become roads you travel;
They wind through lonesome valleys, come upon brooks,
discover cool springs and pools brimming with rain!
God-traveled, these roads curve up the mountain, and
at the last turn—Zion! God in full view!
8-9 God-of-the-Angel-Armies, listen:
O God of Jacob, open your ears—I'm praying!
Look at our shields, glistening in the sun,
our faces, shining with your gracious anointing.
10-12 One day spent in your house, this beautiful place of worship,
beats thousands spent on Greek island beaches.
I'd rather scrub floors in the house of my God
than be honored as a guest in the palace of sin.
All sunshine and sovereign is God,
generous in gifts and glory.
He doesn't scrimp with his traveling companions.
It's smooth sailing all the way with God-of-the-Angel-Armies
Verse 12 says, "I'd rather scrub floors in the house of my God than be an honored guest in the palace of sin." This does it for me. No more selfish ambition. Those doors are closed to me. My ambition is in the Lord, and Jesus crucified.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Where am I?
Today started out fine, met Lea Ann for breakfast. Had a great conversation with her. Had plans to go downtown Tampa for the Gasperella parade, invasion of pirates, and fireworks, but for whatever reason, my breakfast didn't sit well with me....spent most of the day on the couch trying not to throw up.
Washed and ironed my fabric for the new quilt I am starting. It is a full sized quilt this time so it will be quite an undertaking. Pushing fear aside and doing it. It is my "promise quilt". Top secret till I am done.
So it has been a quiet day today. Been thinking as I have been sitting here; where am I? Where am I going? Why is it that I never feel like I fit in? Guess I am not good at just going through the motions. Oh, I try to fit in; I am a pretty social person. Can play a mean game of Cranium. But who here can I really talk to? That will love me even if they don't understand where I am right now? If I shared what was on my heart, I am sure no one here would ever ask me how I am again. Not that anyone really asks me how I am. And is genuinely interested in how I really am. Then again, there is one person how does ask me how I am, and holds me accountable. Maybe I am blessed by having that one person. I know I am; I love her dearly. The one person who actually knows me here. In this place.
I wouldn't call this place my pity party. I understand I am where I am because the Lord put me here. I guess I am a tad bit lonely for genuine fellowship. I think the people I have met here are wonderful. Don't get me wrong. I am thankful for the people I have come in contact with. I guess I just miss that fellowship in the trenches....arm in arm on the battlefield, and in peace time with the loved ones who "get me".
So for now, I will focus on pressing into the One who is always with me. That is more than enough for me. I fit into Him. That is all that matters. Truly.
Friday, January 1, 2010
This New Year.......
Happy New Year!
This morning I have been mulling over New Year's past....and remembered the great excitement that I would feel over the newness of it all. Some experience this at springtime, or at other notable events in their lives.
Most of the New Year's that I remember, I had a great sense of wonderful expectation of all the terrific things that were going to happen. Make me an eternal optimist? I have often had trouble with that label. I have found that when it is spoken, it was intended to somehow demean the generous outlook I had for the future; that I was somehow seen as slightly ignorant of the hard realities going on around me. Being labeled an optimist was like a put-down. I still don't like that word!
This year I have committed to the Lord to write every day. Whether the wonderful fictional story that is swimming around in my thoughts just waiting to come out, or the musings that even I don't understand and post here on my blog; I am committed to getting it out everyday. This being said, if anyone is still reading this, I cannot promise what you will read will be pretty, but it will be honest.
Okay, so back to my thoughts about this new year. This year is different. I don't have the same sense of wonderment about it all. This was on my heart as I prayed this morning. I was led to First Peter, the entire book. I would be lying if I denied that a sense of dread initially took over my heart; but thankfully it didn't stay there. First Peter is all about suffering, and how we as Christians are to respond. In my bible it says:
"Persecution can cause either growth or bitterness in the Christian life. Response determines the result. In writing to Jewish believers, Peter encourages them to conduct themselves courageously for the Person and program of Christ. Both their character and conduct must be above reproach. Having been born again to a living hope, they are to imitate the Holy One who has called them. The fruit of that character will be conduct rooted in submission: citizens to government, servants to masters, wives to husbands, husbands to wives, and Christians to one another. Only after submission is fully understood does Peter deal with the difficult area of suffering. The Christians are not to think it "strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you" (4:12), but are to rejoice as partakers of the suffering of Christ. That response to life is truly the climax of one's submission to the good hand of God."
Funny, this book in the bible is very dog-eared from my reading, and I have almost the entire book underlined with various notes. I often date my notes and it is like a timeline of my walk with the Lord. I have been this way before, and the words have been like a healing balm to my soul. Questions swarm my mind, like, "am I going to suffer this year?" Or, "what about my heart's desire, Lord?" Or even, "Lord, I thought I had this suffering thing down." Truth is, my character still needs refining, and I am thankful that I have the promise in this word that, "But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you."
There is much for me to learn this year, and I praise my Lord that He led me to such a wonderful place in His Word to teach me. So while I may not be giddy with the excitement of this New Year, I am hopeful that His Will is made manifest in my life this year. That my responses to whatever comes my way will glorify Him.
I am His.
This morning I have been mulling over New Year's past....and remembered the great excitement that I would feel over the newness of it all. Some experience this at springtime, or at other notable events in their lives.
Most of the New Year's that I remember, I had a great sense of wonderful expectation of all the terrific things that were going to happen. Make me an eternal optimist? I have often had trouble with that label. I have found that when it is spoken, it was intended to somehow demean the generous outlook I had for the future; that I was somehow seen as slightly ignorant of the hard realities going on around me. Being labeled an optimist was like a put-down. I still don't like that word!
This year I have committed to the Lord to write every day. Whether the wonderful fictional story that is swimming around in my thoughts just waiting to come out, or the musings that even I don't understand and post here on my blog; I am committed to getting it out everyday. This being said, if anyone is still reading this, I cannot promise what you will read will be pretty, but it will be honest.
Okay, so back to my thoughts about this new year. This year is different. I don't have the same sense of wonderment about it all. This was on my heart as I prayed this morning. I was led to First Peter, the entire book. I would be lying if I denied that a sense of dread initially took over my heart; but thankfully it didn't stay there. First Peter is all about suffering, and how we as Christians are to respond. In my bible it says:
"Persecution can cause either growth or bitterness in the Christian life. Response determines the result. In writing to Jewish believers, Peter encourages them to conduct themselves courageously for the Person and program of Christ. Both their character and conduct must be above reproach. Having been born again to a living hope, they are to imitate the Holy One who has called them. The fruit of that character will be conduct rooted in submission: citizens to government, servants to masters, wives to husbands, husbands to wives, and Christians to one another. Only after submission is fully understood does Peter deal with the difficult area of suffering. The Christians are not to think it "strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you" (4:12), but are to rejoice as partakers of the suffering of Christ. That response to life is truly the climax of one's submission to the good hand of God."
Funny, this book in the bible is very dog-eared from my reading, and I have almost the entire book underlined with various notes. I often date my notes and it is like a timeline of my walk with the Lord. I have been this way before, and the words have been like a healing balm to my soul. Questions swarm my mind, like, "am I going to suffer this year?" Or, "what about my heart's desire, Lord?" Or even, "Lord, I thought I had this suffering thing down." Truth is, my character still needs refining, and I am thankful that I have the promise in this word that, "But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you."
There is much for me to learn this year, and I praise my Lord that He led me to such a wonderful place in His Word to teach me. So while I may not be giddy with the excitement of this New Year, I am hopeful that His Will is made manifest in my life this year. That my responses to whatever comes my way will glorify Him.
I am His.
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