O.K. I know people grieve in different ways. I also know grief comes and goes, and you never know when it is gonna hit you.
When I am round men who seem to be around the age of my Dad, I cannot look at their hands! If I see anyone who has hands like my Dad, it nearly kills me......I cannot control the tears, and have to excuse myself! Weird, I know.
Grief is hard.....
Friday, October 26, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
Getting there.....
Last night, I went back to the place where the Lord last spoke to me. Peace flooded my thirsty soul as I re-read the words He gave to me. Funny.....how we get ourselves so off track when we stray from the place He has for us.
I am not in the position to rebuke this storm, this isn't really even a storm. I am in a season of captivity, and only the Lord can bring me out. He promised that He would, and I believe it. I am, however, in the position to rebuke the lies that are being hurled at me right now (ie: being a failure, being alone, etc., etc.) I just have to remind the enemy, "for it is written.........!"
I took Steve shopping yesterday, and as I was traveling on the freeway and aproached my exit, I took notice of the road ahead of me, straight ahead. There was I70 ahead of me, and I was just really aware of the two different directions they could take me. I am not sure why this is staying with me, but I am sure there is something in this the Lord is going to teach me. The word that comes to me is crossroads. I am at a crossroad. I have no idea what the Lord wants me to do with the rest of my life. I am not "feeling" corporate america. I can't shake the feeling that huge changes are ahead....so in this time, I am just going to take one step at a time and trust that He will lead me. These are the scriptures that the Lord gave me (Jer 29:10-14, then last night He gave me another portion- verses 29:4-7):
For thus says the LORD: After seventy years are completed at Babylon, I will visit you and perform My good word toward you, and cause you to return to this place. 11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you, says the LORD, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the LORD, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive.
THen:4 Thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, to all who were carried away captive, whom I have caused to be carried away from Jerusalem to Babylon: 5 Build houses and dwell in them; plant gardens and eat their fruit. 6 Take wives and beget sons and daughters; and take wives for your sons and give your daughters to husbands, so that they may bear sons and daughters--that you may be increased there, and not diminished. 7 And seek the peace of the city where I have caused you to be carried away captive, and pray to the LORD for it; for in its peace you will have peace.
I will continue LIVING in this place; I will seek peace in the place where I have been positioned, and will intercede for those in this place with me. That's my story and I'm sticking with it!
I am not in the position to rebuke this storm, this isn't really even a storm. I am in a season of captivity, and only the Lord can bring me out. He promised that He would, and I believe it. I am, however, in the position to rebuke the lies that are being hurled at me right now (ie: being a failure, being alone, etc., etc.) I just have to remind the enemy, "for it is written.........!"
I took Steve shopping yesterday, and as I was traveling on the freeway and aproached my exit, I took notice of the road ahead of me, straight ahead. There was I70 ahead of me, and I was just really aware of the two different directions they could take me. I am not sure why this is staying with me, but I am sure there is something in this the Lord is going to teach me. The word that comes to me is crossroads. I am at a crossroad. I have no idea what the Lord wants me to do with the rest of my life. I am not "feeling" corporate america. I can't shake the feeling that huge changes are ahead....so in this time, I am just going to take one step at a time and trust that He will lead me. These are the scriptures that the Lord gave me (Jer 29:10-14, then last night He gave me another portion- verses 29:4-7):
For thus says the LORD: After seventy years are completed at Babylon, I will visit you and perform My good word toward you, and cause you to return to this place. 11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you, says the LORD, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the LORD, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive.
THen:4 Thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, to all who were carried away captive, whom I have caused to be carried away from Jerusalem to Babylon: 5 Build houses and dwell in them; plant gardens and eat their fruit. 6 Take wives and beget sons and daughters; and take wives for your sons and give your daughters to husbands, so that they may bear sons and daughters--that you may be increased there, and not diminished. 7 And seek the peace of the city where I have caused you to be carried away captive, and pray to the LORD for it; for in its peace you will have peace.
I will continue LIVING in this place; I will seek peace in the place where I have been positioned, and will intercede for those in this place with me. That's my story and I'm sticking with it!
Friday, October 19, 2007
Raw
2007, a year in review:
Being stripped of something I loved, then walking through the shadow of the valley of collection calls, to the death of my father without being reconciled to him on this earth-only in heaven, to a 60 to 70 hour work week, to being downsized. Not sure I can handle much more, honestly.
I have been advised to dig deeper, but all I want to do is run away. I need help, but.......
I am alone. No one can help me in this, only my Father. And for some reason, I can't turn to Him. Am I angry at Him? Afraid of what's next?
I am sensing those close to me treading about cautiously, and that hurts. Is this accurate? I do not know. Doors are closing all around me, failure seems to be all aroung me like a thick blanket; again makes me wonder what is going to happen next. This too, makes me want to run.
This is what is going to happen: The Lord will care for me, will provide for me, will satisfy my lonely soul, will heal my broken heart, will sing over me, and will speak tender words of comfort to me, and will continue to allow His peace and joy to settle me. I believe this. I am waiting for this, desperately......
Being stripped of something I loved, then walking through the shadow of the valley of collection calls, to the death of my father without being reconciled to him on this earth-only in heaven, to a 60 to 70 hour work week, to being downsized. Not sure I can handle much more, honestly.
I have been advised to dig deeper, but all I want to do is run away. I need help, but.......
I am alone. No one can help me in this, only my Father. And for some reason, I can't turn to Him. Am I angry at Him? Afraid of what's next?
I am sensing those close to me treading about cautiously, and that hurts. Is this accurate? I do not know. Doors are closing all around me, failure seems to be all aroung me like a thick blanket; again makes me wonder what is going to happen next. This too, makes me want to run.
This is what is going to happen: The Lord will care for me, will provide for me, will satisfy my lonely soul, will heal my broken heart, will sing over me, and will speak tender words of comfort to me, and will continue to allow His peace and joy to settle me. I believe this. I am waiting for this, desperately......
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