Dreams.....

This morning I woke up with a song on my heart. Well, actually, what happened was it came to me in a dream:

I was with a group of people - some friends, some family members. And in this dream it was very evident that I had been excluded from something. So I wandered around the situation, quite hurt and rejected.

My son came in, and with him some friends. They began to pray, not for me...just a gathering to pray and worship the Lord. In my brokeness, I laid down on the floor on my face and cried out to God because what I was carrying was too heavy a burden for me, and I needed Him.

As I felt the presence of the Lord, someone laid their hands on the bottoms of my feet and began to pray for me. As they did this, the song, "Lead me to the Cross" came to mind. Then I woke up.

What I feel like the Lord is showing me through this (and I am leaving this to the Lord to bring further revelation still), is that I am not rejected. Man (friends, loved ones, etc.) will reject me, some intentionally, some not; it's gonna happen. BUT through the Cross...the one where Jesus gave up His life, for me and you, I am completely accepted, loved and redeemed. It was a completed work what He did on that Cross.

Interestingly, as I type this, the Lord showed me that in my dream, as I "wandered around the situation," this was when I mull it over and over in my mind, trying to figure out why this person or that person did what they did or said what they did. As I do that, I am open wide for those hurt feelings and rejection to turn into anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, malice, etc., etc.....all those feelings that are in direct opposition to how God calls us walk and hinders us from loving with His heart. Wow.

I am thankful the Lord rules and reigns over my dreams. That even when I get too busy to stop and listen, in His mercy He instructs and rebukes me in my dreams. He really loves me. So today, I remove from my mind the tape of rejections call, and instead go to the Cross, where I lay myself down, rid me of myself, knowing that I belong to Him.

Lead me to the Cross (Hillsong United)

Savior I come
Quiet my soul
Remember
Redemptions hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

You were as I
Tempted and tried
You are
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen

To your heart
To your heart
Lead me to your heart
Lead me to your heart

Sigh.....

Am wrestling with something today. What comes to mind is that I am too busy to wrestle with this today. BUT. I can't put it off. If I do, my flesh will rise up and make something of this situation that it's not.

I know what I am wrestling with. I want to be angry. I want to defend myself. I want to be upset and tell everyone of the injustice of it all. I want people to side with me, because if they side with me, that means they love me and accept me, right? I want to rise to the top of this a victor. All because I am RIGHT. Right?

There. Said it all. Ugly stuff. My flesh is screaming right about now. Because what is in me is stronger than the ugly flesh that is crying out. My spirit reminds me of Jesus. He was murdered. He was spat upon, beaten within an inch of His life and had His flesh torn off Him because of a bunch of offended people. But He didn't defend Himself. He didn't enlist in the help of the Heavenly Host. He took it because it was the Will of His Father. He did it for me. And you.

Truth is, it doesn't even matter what happened. What matters is my response to what happened. Another truth; I do not have to be validated by being right. I am validated by Christ crucified. No matter if I am right, do my actions point people to Jesus? Do others feel loved and accepted by my actions or do they feel judged and somehow inadequate? Oh, I know there will be those beloved people who will be offended with me just because I breath, but how am I showing them the love of Jesus, the Hope that resides within me? What is my response going to be to them?

My beautiful Lord reminded me of this scripture as I cried out to Him:

Romans 12:3, and 9-21

3 For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.

9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; 13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. 16 Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.
17 Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. 18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. 19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,”[a] says the Lord. 20 Therefore if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”[b] 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

My bible says that when we avenge ourselves, we are trying to take God's place. I know that there is no room for me on the Throne of the Lord. My prayer today is that I will live this scripture. Lord knows I will need His help in this. But I am assured that He will indeed help me. He loves me too much not to. More of You, Lord and less of me.

Divine Networking....

Most of you know, I am presently unemployed. Again. Some reading this may be thinking that this will be a post of my lamenting my present state of joblessness. Too bad you cannot see the wide grin that is on my face as I type this.

Why am I so happy? I am happy because my LORD is in absolute control of my life. He holds my times and my seasons, my very breath in His hands! And because of this current season, I am able to do things that I wouldn't if I was employed full time. Don't get me wrong, been looking for another job, but all the pressure is OFF because my Lord is in control.

Every day I meet people who confirm in me what the Lord is doing in this season. I am meeting artists, writers, and co-laborers in Christ. God is the ultimate networker! His favor is evident all over this season. I am humbled and so very blessed by this. I am truly enjoying the people He places in my path daily.

Even with the transition from a church plant back to the main campus, the Lord has connected me supernaturally to a wonderful group of people who accept me completely. I am walking the scripture that states that my gifting will make room for me(Prov 18:16). The Lord is doing it. He is placing me here and having me serve there. There is no better place to be.

It's a new day.....

Today....I am thankful.

I am thankful for:

My salvation...it is everything...really. Because of what Jesus did for me on that cross....I can come boldly before my Father's throne and lay prostrate at His feet.

My son, Steve, who LOVES the Lord and is sensitive to the Holy Spirit. And that he, at age 20, still calls his momma to ask for prayer. What an honor and privilege that he still asks me to pray for and with him. My heart is humbled by this.

That the Lord gives and takes away....and gives me peace in the midst of changes. He is in control, always.

For technology....that I can still stay in touch with all the wonderful girls that the Lord allowed me to minister to during my tenure at Shift Youth Ministries. I still love each and every one of those girls! Even after 4+ years. They taught me so much.

For a mother who I can call one of my best friends, and a true sister in the Lord. It is because of her prayers that I am walking with the Lord today. Never underestimate the power of a praying Momma!

For the Favor of my Lord's face! He LOVES me! Oh, how He loves me! He closes and opens opportunities to me and sets me on His course!

For new friends....everywhere the Lord takes me, He blesses me with wonderful friends to pour into, and for them to pour into me! Am so so thankful for healthy, REAL relationships!

For those old, dear ones...the ones who have been with me from the beginning, and somewhere in between. The ones who faught side by side with me in the trenches...The ones who saw the good, bad, and the downright ugly parts of me...and LOVED me anyway. And continue to do so. The ones who hear the Lord's call to intercede on my behalf - I never would have survived without it.

I am thankful today for the Lord's mercy. His unfailing, unending mercy.

Continue to mold me into Your image, Lord. I am Yours, and You are mine...forever!

Everything.......

Have a heavy heart tonight. They announced that our church plant is folding. While I have had some time to process this, it is still heartbreaking. I have been thinking about all the people I have ministered to and all the people whose lives have been transformed and a sadness grips my heart for those that have yet to be reached.

So while I continue to process this, I turn to the One who knows me best, the One who understands and is there, always. This song ministers to me tonight, as I pray for the body that is broken right now. May the Lords peace rest on us all.

Everything (by Jesus Culture)

Find me here, Speak to me
I want to feel you I need to hear you
You are the light That is leading me
To the place Where I find peace again

You are the strength That keeps me walking
You are the hope That keeps me trusting
You are the life To my soul
You are my purpose You are everything

And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this

[Cause] You're all I want, You're all I need
Everything, everything

And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this

Been thinkin......

After somewhat disturbing news, I have been thinking a lot about how we make decisions. About how I make decisions. As I know we all could testify, I think back to some ill thought-out decisions I have made and to the resulting consequences. Props to whoever coined the saying, "hindsight is 20/20."

I would be remiss if I shoved off this feeling of dread; of disappointment. While I can respect the decision that was made, I know that there will be consequences in the future, whether we see them in this lifetime or not. I think about Moses; how in a brief moment of anger, his lapse in obedience cost him the very thing that was his life's calling - to take the children of Israel into the promised land. Because of that momentary lapse in judgement, he died, never having entered into the land of promise.

How many things to we miss out on because of decisions based on fear? How many times does our Lord weep and sigh over our holding back because to walk forward into the unknown isn't comfortable, or doesn't make sense to the eyes of this world?

While tremendous sadness grips my heart today, I am not angry at the decision makers. I am sad that what the Lord wanted to do in this situation was circumvented by fear. The Lord is rich in mercy and is still seated on His throne. He will bring around new opportunities that were lost in this one decision. It won't be the best way, the way He originally planned for....but it will be an opportunity nonetheless; for growth, for maturity, for faith.

What a different place this world would be if we would be obedient to the Word of God, and to His direction. He ALWAYS knows best.....

A day with giraffes.....

When Steve was home over the holidays, we got to go on a safari of sorts and spent a little time with some giraffes. This was a wonderful experience, although we did get slobbered on!

Enjoy the pictures!