Everything.......

Have a heavy heart tonight. They announced that our church plant is folding. While I have had some time to process this, it is still heartbreaking. I have been thinking about all the people I have ministered to and all the people whose lives have been transformed and a sadness grips my heart for those that have yet to be reached.

So while I continue to process this, I turn to the One who knows me best, the One who understands and is there, always. This song ministers to me tonight, as I pray for the body that is broken right now. May the Lords peace rest on us all.

Everything (by Jesus Culture)

Find me here, Speak to me
I want to feel you I need to hear you
You are the light That is leading me
To the place Where I find peace again

You are the strength That keeps me walking
You are the hope That keeps me trusting
You are the life To my soul
You are my purpose You are everything

And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this

[Cause] You're all I want, You're all I need
Everything, everything

And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this

Been thinkin......

After somewhat disturbing news, I have been thinking a lot about how we make decisions. About how I make decisions. As I know we all could testify, I think back to some ill thought-out decisions I have made and to the resulting consequences. Props to whoever coined the saying, "hindsight is 20/20."

I would be remiss if I shoved off this feeling of dread; of disappointment. While I can respect the decision that was made, I know that there will be consequences in the future, whether we see them in this lifetime or not. I think about Moses; how in a brief moment of anger, his lapse in obedience cost him the very thing that was his life's calling - to take the children of Israel into the promised land. Because of that momentary lapse in judgement, he died, never having entered into the land of promise.

How many things to we miss out on because of decisions based on fear? How many times does our Lord weep and sigh over our holding back because to walk forward into the unknown isn't comfortable, or doesn't make sense to the eyes of this world?

While tremendous sadness grips my heart today, I am not angry at the decision makers. I am sad that what the Lord wanted to do in this situation was circumvented by fear. The Lord is rich in mercy and is still seated on His throne. He will bring around new opportunities that were lost in this one decision. It won't be the best way, the way He originally planned for....but it will be an opportunity nonetheless; for growth, for maturity, for faith.

What a different place this world would be if we would be obedient to the Word of God, and to His direction. He ALWAYS knows best.....

A day with giraffes.....

When Steve was home over the holidays, we got to go on a safari of sorts and spent a little time with some giraffes. This was a wonderful experience, although we did get slobbered on!

Enjoy the pictures!

A question for all of you in Blog-land......

To those of you who know me personally: What should I name my freelance writing business?

I am somewhat stumped, so thought I would throw it out there! Let me know your thoughts :)

Even if you don't know me personally, give it a shot......

Thanks in advance.

Choosing not to be impatient....

OK, based on popular demand (Angie), I am updating this rag. First, this is what has been going on:

I am still in Florida, going and doing as the Lord leads. I am currently unemployed (again). I am a part of a church plant, leading a small team of dedicated intercessors. The Lord is moving and shaking all that can be moved and shaken. I am also working on setting up my freelance writing business.

My son is in college and I am so proud to say, growing deeper and stronger in the Lord everyday. He is being mentored by some amazing, godly men. He has found a terrific, Spirit-filled church and is on their worship team both playing guitar and singing. He sings prophetically (something I KNEW was going to be made manifest in his life), and even his prayer language is of a melodic nature! He has recently been invited to lead worship for a men's conference in Tennessee. This is so exciting, not only to him, but to me as I know one his greatest fears was to miss what the Lord was calling him to do...you know, we have all been there! But, the Lord is proving Himself to my son. Thankfully, there are wonderfully strong, christian men pouring into his life, speaking sound biblical truth over and into him! When we follow the Lord in absolute obedience, there is no way we can miss His will for us! We fall right into it. He is in a dorm full of guys who love the Lord and they all regularly pray and fast. What an environment for growth. That is what is happening with Steve. Did I say I was proud of him??

The other day, as I was driving home from a meeting, I was thinking about my ambitions. You know, those things that you are wanting or even hoping to accomplish in the season you are in. Well, as excited as I have been about being down here doing what God has called me to do, the Lord showed me that I had gotten impatient. This impatience has led to tremendous discouragement. I am ashamed to admit that I had been very close to hanging up the towel and moving on. I had my eyes on the physical realm, where seemingly, nothing was happening. The incredible things that the Lord has had me declare and pray over for over 18 months had yet to be made manifest in the natural.

So after a painful and awesome time of repentance, the Lord removed the discouragement and gave me a heart that is dedicated to pleasing Him, and not my selfish ambitions. All the dreams of grandeur are gone, and I am determined to finish well the job the Lord has sent me here to do. I will not fall prey to becoming critical (even in my thoughts) of leadership already in place, but will faithful serve the Lord no matter the capacity. My promotion comes from the Lord and no man. This scripture says it beautifully:


Psalm 84 (The Message)
A Korah Psalm

1-2 What a beautiful home, God-of-the-Angel-Armies! I've always longed to live in a place like this,
Always dreamed of a room in your house,
where I could sing for joy to God-alive!
3-4 Birds find nooks and crannies in your house,
sparrows and swallows make nests there.
They lay their eggs and raise their young,
singing their songs in the place where we worship.
God-of-the-Angel-Armies! King! God!
How blessed they are to live and sing there!
5-7 And how blessed all those in whom you live,
whose lives become roads you travel;
They wind through lonesome valleys, come upon brooks,
discover cool springs and pools brimming with rain!
God-traveled, these roads curve up the mountain, and
at the last turn—Zion! God in full view!
8-9 God-of-the-Angel-Armies, listen:
O God of Jacob, open your ears—I'm praying!
Look at our shields, glistening in the sun,
our faces, shining with your gracious anointing.
10-12 One day spent in your house, this beautiful place of worship,
beats thousands spent on Greek island beaches.
I'd rather scrub floors in the house of my God
than be honored as a guest in the palace of sin.
All sunshine and sovereign is God,
generous in gifts and glory.
He doesn't scrimp with his traveling companions.
It's smooth sailing all the way with God-of-the-Angel-Armies

Verse 12 says, "I'd rather scrub floors in the house of my God than be an honored guest in the palace of sin." This does it for me. No more selfish ambition. Those doors are closed to me. My ambition is in the Lord, and Jesus crucified.

Where am I?

Today started out fine, met Lea Ann for breakfast. Had a great conversation with her. Had plans to go downtown Tampa for the Gasperella parade, invasion of pirates, and fireworks, but for whatever reason, my breakfast didn't sit well with me....spent most of the day on the couch trying not to throw up.

Washed and ironed my fabric for the new quilt I am starting. It is a full sized quilt this time so it will be quite an undertaking. Pushing fear aside and doing it. It is my "promise quilt". Top secret till I am done.

So it has been a quiet day today. Been thinking as I have been sitting here; where am I? Where am I going? Why is it that I never feel like I fit in? Guess I am not good at just going through the motions. Oh, I try to fit in; I am a pretty social person. Can play a mean game of Cranium. But who here can I really talk to? That will love me even if they don't understand where I am right now? If I shared what was on my heart, I am sure no one here would ever ask me how I am again. Not that anyone really asks me how I am. And is genuinely interested in how I really am. Then again, there is one person how does ask me how I am, and holds me accountable. Maybe I am blessed by having that one person. I know I am; I love her dearly. The one person who actually knows me here. In this place.

I wouldn't call this place my pity party. I understand I am where I am because the Lord put me here. I guess I am a tad bit lonely for genuine fellowship. I think the people I have met here are wonderful. Don't get me wrong. I am thankful for the people I have come in contact with. I guess I just miss that fellowship in the trenches....arm in arm on the battlefield, and in peace time with the loved ones who "get me".

So for now, I will focus on pressing into the One who is always with me. That is more than enough for me. I fit into Him. That is all that matters. Truly.

This New Year.......

Happy New Year!

This morning I have been mulling over New Year's past....and remembered the great excitement that I would feel over the newness of it all. Some experience this at springtime, or at other notable events in their lives.

Most of the New Year's that I remember, I had a great sense of wonderful expectation of all the terrific things that were going to happen. Make me an eternal optimist? I have often had trouble with that label. I have found that when it is spoken, it was intended to somehow demean the generous outlook I had for the future; that I was somehow seen as slightly ignorant of the hard realities going on around me. Being labeled an optimist was like a put-down. I still don't like that word!

This year I have committed to the Lord to write every day. Whether the wonderful fictional story that is swimming around in my thoughts just waiting to come out, or the musings that even I don't understand and post here on my blog; I am committed to getting it out everyday. This being said, if anyone is still reading this, I cannot promise what you will read will be pretty, but it will be honest.

Okay, so back to my thoughts about this new year. This year is different. I don't have the same sense of wonderment about it all. This was on my heart as I prayed this morning. I was led to First Peter, the entire book. I would be lying if I denied that a sense of dread initially took over my heart; but thankfully it didn't stay there. First Peter is all about suffering, and how we as Christians are to respond. In my bible it says:

"Persecution can cause either growth or bitterness in the Christian life. Response determines the result. In writing to Jewish believers, Peter encourages them to conduct themselves courageously for the Person and program of Christ. Both their character and conduct must be above reproach. Having been born again to a living hope, they are to imitate the Holy One who has called them. The fruit of that character will be conduct rooted in submission: citizens to government, servants to masters, wives to husbands, husbands to wives, and Christians to one another. Only after submission is fully understood does Peter deal with the difficult area of suffering. The Christians are not to think it "strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you" (4:12), but are to rejoice as partakers of the suffering of Christ. That response to life is truly the climax of one's submission to the good hand of God."

Funny, this book in the bible is very dog-eared from my reading, and I have almost the entire book underlined with various notes. I often date my notes and it is like a timeline of my walk with the Lord. I have been this way before, and the words have been like a healing balm to my soul. Questions swarm my mind, like, "am I going to suffer this year?" Or, "what about my heart's desire, Lord?" Or even, "Lord, I thought I had this suffering thing down." Truth is, my character still needs refining, and I am thankful that I have the promise in this word that, "But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you."

There is much for me to learn this year, and I praise my Lord that He led me to such a wonderful place in His Word to teach me. So while I may not be giddy with the excitement of this New Year, I am hopeful that His Will is made manifest in my life this year. That my responses to whatever comes my way will glorify Him.

I am His.